I, Belle

The musings of a polite potty mouth from Harlem

What Is A Soulmate?

I learned an interesting lesson the other day while perusing Facebook. I’ve been saying for a few weeks now that I want to get rid of my page—unplug from the matrix, at least for a little while. But it’s random things like this that give me pause. 

One of my friends asked for people’s opinions of what a soulmate was. He received about 50 responses. Intrigued by this, I read them all. There was a wide variety of answers ranging from “there is no such thing” to some sort of cosmic connection. The one that affected me the most was this:

” People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master”

I hope there are no crazy laws against me copying and pasting a response to a FaceBook status…she said when she posted it that it was a quote she’d read somewhere so I think I’m good lol. Moving on though, this quote shook up my entire idea of soulmates and such. 

I guess somewhere, subconsciously, I am one of those annoying fairytale types. My parents were divorced before I could really remember anything and so my entire concept of how relationships should work came from movies—especially Disney movies. I don’t think I need to explain further how warped of a romance concept those are. So I always did believe that somewhere my soulmate was waiting and we’d find each other and live happily ever after, thank you and Amen.

Over the last few years, being in my first real and committed relationship, I have realized that it’s not exactly like that. There are fights and problems and betrayals amidst the love and strength. Love is a decision that I’ve made everyday. But I’m geting off topic here. Back to the soulmates.

I think I’ve met my soulmate. Or at least one if it’s possible to have more than one. Reading this quote I’m believing that there may be. And my soulmate hasn’t been a boyfriend or someone I’ve dated. It’s been a female friend of mine. 

The relationship I developed with Phoenix (not at all her real name lol) was intense. We grew into our friendship emerging from opposite sides of the proverbial room, eyeing each other wearily. She didn’t seem to like me very much, and due to my perceiving that, I in turn wasn’t quite fond of her. But our boyfriends were friends so we hung out a lot and over time we grew closer. I was looking for another word, but intense is the only one that seems to fit what our friendship became.

Over the last year, she unexpectedly became my closest confidante. She knew all of my secrets. We both were searingly honest with each other. There was no holding back. We were able to sense when the other wasn’t sharing something. It was the first relationship of any kind that I had where no matter what, even if it was something as little as not really wanting to go somewhere, we laid bare our true feelings. It was refreshing and it permeated other areas of my life. I found myself much more open with others around me. She also taught me confidence. She was bold and didn’t care much what others thought. “Go for your truth babe! Do what makes you comfortable.” Through her I was able to accept many things about myself, but more importantly I embraced them as well. And she too learned from me, which I was surprised by at first. She said that I inspired her to go for what she wanted and accept the spotlight. Despite my self-doubt, I have no problem being the center of attention (call it an actor’s curse) and despite her obvious belief in herself, she just didn’t quite like attention, but she wanted to be a model. So we nourished each other’s souls in different ways. 

It would seem that we are no longer friends at this time. The result of complications that are honestly beyond our control. I know that is cryptic, but to get into the complicated web of drama surrounding that right now could take hours. I’ve gone through the gamut of feelings about it: indifference, anger, sadness…I’m slowly coming to peace with the fact that we will not be friends for life, which we had been so sure of just a month ago. Proclaiming it with joy. 

I realize that she was my soulmate. In every sense of the word that is important. We reached heights in our friendship that I’ve never experienced with man or woman. We called each other to task. We shared, we laughed, we cried. I will miss her dearly. Something a friend of mine said when she broke up with her ex keeps coming to mind. “I am sad, but truly how could I have imagined that I’d be able to keep something so beautiful and powerful all to myself?” As the quote from FB said, it would have been too much.

I don’t know if we became desperate and out of control and led each other to our spiritual maker, but I do believe that we helped each other grow in ways that no one else could of. Only I could give her the changes I did and only she could do the same for me. I am so thankful that God saw fit to bring her into my life for the time she was here because she did serve as my mirror. She revealed layers of myself I didn’t know existed and together we showed each other how to truly shine. I will always look fondly on our memories. 

If anyone got through this never-ending post, I’m curious as to what your idea of a soulmate is?

I’m sure most of you by now have heard about the whole Kanye and Kim Kardashian relationship by now (Shameless Plug—If you haven’t yet, check out the story at SincerelyABitch.com). Anywho, I’m not trying to comment on that, but on something Russell Simmons wrote in response to the negative frenzy their relationship has kicked off. It’s titled “Love Calms the Noise in Your Head”. Check it out below: No scripture, no prophet, no religious or spiritual practice will ever say that money will make you happy (calm the noise).  It took me thirty years of being in the public spotlight to get to where I am today in my understanding of this. It takes constant meditation to remove this ever present noise.  There is no happiness until the mind is still. The cause of all sickness and sadness is the fluctuation of the mind. One of the quick fixes (aside from drugs) is to find someone who is like minded and who has the same daily struggles.  You are hoping that the next relationship is the one that makes you calm and then something inside of you tells you that there’s something missing. So, we are constantly looking for that person.  The problem with society is that they say, ‘they have money, so they should be ok.’  That is a misconception. Money or fame won’t calm the noise.  How did Britney Spears react?  How did Amy Winehouse react?  How did Whitney Houston react? The only goal in life is to calm the noise.  Every creative moment and every happy moment comes when the noise is calm. I know Kim and Kanye. They are both hopeful people, but cautious. Everything they do is under the microscope.  Every public move they make is dissected.  At GlobalGrind, we write about celebrities, usually about their contributions to society, their inspiring words…We are not interested in pulling them down. To all of these sites out here, it seems they think it is their job to tear down people who we see as successful and happy. Are you happy to see them suffer or will you support their own journey towards happiness?  The same path that you are on. Both Kanye and Kim have met many people throughout their lives. Most people who date Kim Kardashian or Kanye West become instantly famous. We know that if Kim and Kanye are dating, they may become more famous, but they won’t make each other famous.  They won’t make each other rich.  Kim who is still making so much money being Kim, is not looking at Kanye’s money as a reason to date him…so we know Kanye aint’ saying she’s a gold-digger! They are both on a journey to quiet the noise and hopefully this is it. I hope that they can each find peace and tranquility with each other, and if they do, all of the noise will be gone. “When the mind is still, the universe surrenders”. ~Maharishi -Russell Simmons This kinda blew me away a bit when I first read it. Not all the bullshit about Kim and Kanye and being rich, but the concept that when we find the one we are to be with, it quiets the mind. It leaves you at peace.  I’m stuck now wondering to what extent that is true. Because my mind never shuts up. There are certainly moments when it’s louder than others, but it is a rare and precious occasion if it is ever still and quiet. Does this mean that who I am currently with, whom I love dearly, is not who I’m meant to be with? Because there are moments of noise and doubt? I don’t like to think so.  I think that it is natural, especially for someone like me who is an avid overthinker, to have a lot of thoughts swirling around in my head. It’s a beautiful thought to think that someone can come in and quiet all of this, but I like to believe that it is on me to make that change for myself. I have to learn how to quiet my own thoughts and be still and not rely on someone else to come through and save me.  With all that said though, I do appreciate the quote he provided at the end. “When the mind is still, the universe surrenders.” When I do achieve that state of piece, my life and all that is in it, is peaceful to me as well. At least that’s how I interpret it. I’m looking forward to that. 

I’m sure most of you by now have heard about the whole Kanye and Kim Kardashian relationship by now (Shameless Plug—If you haven’t yet, check out the story at SincerelyABitch.com).

Anywho, I’m not trying to comment on that, but on something Russell Simmons wrote in response to the negative frenzy their relationship has kicked off. It’s titled “Love Calms the Noise in Your Head”. Check it out below:

No scripture, no prophet, no religious or spiritual practice will ever say that money will make you happy (calm the noise).  It took me thirty years of being in the public spotlight to get to where I am today in my understanding of this. It takes constant meditation to remove this ever present noise.  There is no happiness until the mind is still. The cause of all sickness and sadness is the fluctuation of the mind.

One of the quick fixes (aside from drugs) is to find someone who is like minded and who has the same daily struggles.  You are hoping that the next relationship is the one that makes you calm and then something inside of you tells you that there’s something missing. So, we are constantly looking for that person.  The problem with society is that they say, ‘they have money, so they should be ok.’  That is a misconception. Money or fame won’t calm the noise.  How did Britney Spears react?  How did Amy Winehouse react?  How did Whitney Houston react? The only goal in life is to calm the noise.  Every creative moment and every happy moment comes when the noise is calm.

I know Kim and Kanye. They are both hopeful people, but cautious. Everything they do is under the microscope.  Every public move they make is dissected.  At GlobalGrind, we write about celebrities, usually about their contributions to society, their inspiring words…We are not interested in pulling them down. To all of these sites out here, it seems they think it is their job to tear down people who we see as successful and happy. Are you happy to see them suffer or will you support their own journey towards happiness?  The same path that you are on.

Both Kanye and Kim have met many people throughout their lives. Most people who date Kim Kardashian or Kanye West become instantly famous. We know that if Kim and Kanye are dating, they may become more famous, but they won’t make each other famous.  They won’t make each other rich.  Kim who is still making so much money being Kim, is not looking at Kanye’s money as a reason to date him…so we know Kanye aint’ saying she’s a gold-digger! They are both on a journey to quiet the noise and hopefully this is it.

I hope that they can each find peace and tranquility with each other, and if they do, all of the noise will be gone.

“When the mind is still, the universe surrenders”. ~Maharishi

-Russell Simmons

This kinda blew me away a bit when I first read it. Not all the bullshit about Kim and Kanye and being rich, but the concept that when we find the one we are to be with, it quiets the mind. It leaves you at peace. 

I’m stuck now wondering to what extent that is true. Because my mind never shuts up. There are certainly moments when it’s louder than others, but it is a rare and precious occasion if it is ever still and quiet. Does this mean that who I am currently with, whom I love dearly, is not who I’m meant to be with? Because there are moments of noise and doubt? I don’t like to think so. 

I think that it is natural, especially for someone like me who is an avid overthinker, to have a lot of thoughts swirling around in my head. It’s a beautiful thought to think that someone can come in and quiet all of this, but I like to believe that it is on me to make that change for myself. I have to learn how to quiet my own thoughts and be still and not rely on someone else to come through and save me. 

With all that said though, I do appreciate the quote he provided at the end. “When the mind is still, the universe surrenders.” When I do achieve that state of piece, my life and all that is in it, is peaceful to me as well. At least that’s how I interpret it. I’m looking forward to that. 

The classiest woman I’ve EVER known. My grandma back in Haiti. I hope to one day be as classy as she still is. <3

The classiest woman I’ve EVER known. My grandma back in Haiti. I hope to one day be as classy as she still is. <3

Audrey Hepburn on the set of Breakfast at Tiffany’s (1961) I just love the classiness. 

Audrey Hepburn on the set of Breakfast at Tiffany’s (1961)

I just love the classiness. 

(via cinemamonamour)

This was one of the more blatant &#8220;subtle&#8221; means of demeaning black people. Just&#8230;ugh. mckswift: Blackness, especially Afro’ed Blackness is deemed uncivilized. Thank you, Nivea, for policing my Black identity and reinforcing the idea that I must tame my natural appearance to be acceptable to a white beauty standard. “Look like you give a damn.” About what, exactly? In fact, scratch that question. I actually don’t give a damn. smh at the inferred violence toward the decapitated Black “savage.” Shout out to Katiana for originally posting this on FB.

This was one of the more blatant “subtle” means of demeaning black people. Just…ugh.

mckswift:

Blackness, especially Afro’ed Blackness is deemed uncivilized. Thank you, Nivea, for policing my Black identity and reinforcing the idea that I must tame my natural appearance to be acceptable to a white beauty standard. “Look like you give a damn.” About what, exactly? In fact, scratch that question. I actually don’t give a damn.

smh at the inferred violence toward the decapitated Black “savage.” Shout out to Katiana for originally posting this on FB.

I&#8217;d written this&#8212;I guess it&#8217;s like a quasi-poem or a random rambling&#8212;about a month ago on the spot in my iPhone notepad. I came across it again today and thought I&#8217;d share. Love is a precious gift. And for some, the real thing can be rare. I&#8217;m learning more and more each day the difference between real love and affection or care. Love is not always pleasant, but it is always beautiful. Even when it is tear stained, painful or leaves you raw. Anyway, here&#8217;s my little take:  My baby called me to tell me he loved me tonight.Somewhere near 4 amNot because he knew I was awake, but he thought I was asleep and wanted me to wake up to good spirits.My baby loves me.He loves me through anger and tears and confusion and self pity and fear. My own fear. Of myself and of love.My baby loves me.My friends love me. They call me to lunch when they see I&#8217;m not myself and tell me to snap out of it. They bring me out to interventions when they think I&#8217;m not living up to my full potential or when they think I deserve more.They give me stern looks and aren&#8217;t intimidated by my &#8220;don&#8217;t penetrate this wall, this facade&#8230;don&#8217;t criticize me. &#8220;My parents love me. They call non stop and ask how I&#8217;m doing. Ignore my snaps of &#8220;leave me alone&#8221;. Ignore that I ignore and neglect them. Fight through my malaise. Give me the space I think I need. They miss me. They want to be around me.I am blessed with an inordinate amount of love. True love. Understanding what it means. I thought it was to be wanted and used. To be called on when needed and fulfill what is expected. This is not love. Love is the unexpected phone call to check on a friend. Love is the awkward conversation that you&#8217;re not sure how or if to start. Love is knowing to push even when you&#8217;re being held back. Love is a reminder when none is needed. Or perhaps when it is needed more than the person even knows. Love is the most true thing on this planet. It comes in unexpected forms from people you wouldn&#8217;t always think.  Love is true living.

I’d written this—I guess it’s like a quasi-poem or a random rambling—about a month ago on the spot in my iPhone notepad. I came across it again today and thought I’d share. Love is a precious gift. And for some, the real thing can be rare. I’m learning more and more each day the difference between real love and affection or care. Love is not always pleasant, but it is always beautiful. Even when it is tear stained, painful or leaves you raw. Anyway, here’s my little take: 

My baby called me to tell me he loved me tonight.
Somewhere near 4 am
Not because he knew I was awake, but he thought I was asleep and wanted me to wake up to good spirits.
My baby loves me.
He loves me through anger and tears and confusion and self pity and fear. My own fear. Of myself and of love.
My baby loves me.

My friends love me. 
They call me to lunch when they see I’m not myself and tell me to snap out of it. 
They bring me out to interventions when they think I’m not living up to my full potential or when they think I deserve more.
They give me stern looks and aren’t intimidated by my “don’t penetrate this wall, this facade…don’t criticize me. “

My parents love me. 
They call non stop and ask how I’m doing. Ignore my snaps of “leave me alone”. Ignore that I ignore and neglect them. Fight through my malaise. Give me the space I think I need. 
They miss me. They want to be around me.
I am blessed with an inordinate amount of love. True love. Understanding what it means. I thought it was to be wanted and used. To be called on when needed and fulfill what is expected. This is not love. Love is the unexpected phone call to check on a friend. Love is the awkward conversation that you’re not sure how or if to start. Love is knowing to push even when you’re being held back. Love is a reminder when none is needed. Or perhaps when it is needed more than the person even knows. Love is the most true thing on this planet. It comes in unexpected forms from people you wouldn’t always think.  Love is true living.

Dot and I with Cocoa Sarai at BET Music Matters event at Santos Party House (3/12).

Dot and I with Cocoa Sarai at BET Music Matters event at Santos Party House (3/12).

Dot and I with Cheri Dennis at the BET Music Matters event at Santos Party House (3/12).

Dot and I with Cheri Dennis at the BET Music Matters event at Santos Party House (3/12).

sincerelyabitch: Kecia’s Class Act &amp; Brooklyn VIPoets must be crazy to let Belle &amp; I back on a stage… Come join us, Shanelle Gabriel, NeNe Ali &amp; more Tuesday March 20th at VIP Bar &amp; Grill in Brooklyn for a weekly open mic &amp; poetry slam with music by DJ Mega. Event starts at 8pm, must be 18 to slam 21 &gt; to drink. For more info, head over to VIPoets Facebook page here or email them at BKLYNVIPOETS@gmail.com. See you guys there!

sincerelyabitch:

Kecia’s Class Act & Brooklyn VIPoets must be crazy to let Belle & I back on a stage…

Come join us, Shanelle Gabriel, NeNe Ali & more Tuesday March 20th at VIP Bar & Grill in Brooklyn for a weekly open mic & poetry slam with music by DJ Mega.

Event starts at 8pm, must be 18 to slam 21 > to drink. For more info, head over to VIPoets Facebook page here or email them at BKLYNVIPOETS@gmail.com. See you guys there!