I learned an interesting lesson the other day while perusing Facebook. I’ve been saying for a few weeks now that I want to get rid of my page—unplug from the matrix, at least for a little while. But it’s random things like this that give me pause.
One of my friends asked for people’s opinions of what a soulmate was. He received about 50 responses. Intrigued by this, I read them all. There was a wide variety of answers ranging from “there is no such thing” to some sort of cosmic connection. The one that affected me the most was this:
” People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master”
I hope there are no crazy laws against me copying and pasting a response to a FaceBook status…she said when she posted it that it was a quote she’d read somewhere so I think I’m good lol. Moving on though, this quote shook up my entire idea of soulmates and such.
I guess somewhere, subconsciously, I am one of those annoying fairytale types. My parents were divorced before I could really remember anything and so my entire concept of how relationships should work came from movies—especially Disney movies. I don’t think I need to explain further how warped of a romance concept those are. So I always did believe that somewhere my soulmate was waiting and we’d find each other and live happily ever after, thank you and Amen.
Over the last few years, being in my first real and committed relationship, I have realized that it’s not exactly like that. There are fights and problems and betrayals amidst the love and strength. Love is a decision that I’ve made everyday. But I’m geting off topic here. Back to the soulmates.
I think I’ve met my soulmate. Or at least one if it’s possible to have more than one. Reading this quote I’m believing that there may be. And my soulmate hasn’t been a boyfriend or someone I’ve dated. It’s been a female friend of mine.
The relationship I developed with Phoenix (not at all her real name lol) was intense. We grew into our friendship emerging from opposite sides of the proverbial room, eyeing each other wearily. She didn’t seem to like me very much, and due to my perceiving that, I in turn wasn’t quite fond of her. But our boyfriends were friends so we hung out a lot and over time we grew closer. I was looking for another word, but intense is the only one that seems to fit what our friendship became.
Over the last year, she unexpectedly became my closest confidante. She knew all of my secrets. We both were searingly honest with each other. There was no holding back. We were able to sense when the other wasn’t sharing something. It was the first relationship of any kind that I had where no matter what, even if it was something as little as not really wanting to go somewhere, we laid bare our true feelings. It was refreshing and it permeated other areas of my life. I found myself much more open with others around me. She also taught me confidence. She was bold and didn’t care much what others thought. “Go for your truth babe! Do what makes you comfortable.” Through her I was able to accept many things about myself, but more importantly I embraced them as well. And she too learned from me, which I was surprised by at first. She said that I inspired her to go for what she wanted and accept the spotlight. Despite my self-doubt, I have no problem being the center of attention (call it an actor’s curse) and despite her obvious belief in herself, she just didn’t quite like attention, but she wanted to be a model. So we nourished each other’s souls in different ways.
It would seem that we are no longer friends at this time. The result of complications that are honestly beyond our control. I know that is cryptic, but to get into the complicated web of drama surrounding that right now could take hours. I’ve gone through the gamut of feelings about it: indifference, anger, sadness…I’m slowly coming to peace with the fact that we will not be friends for life, which we had been so sure of just a month ago. Proclaiming it with joy.
I realize that she was my soulmate. In every sense of the word that is important. We reached heights in our friendship that I’ve never experienced with man or woman. We called each other to task. We shared, we laughed, we cried. I will miss her dearly. Something a friend of mine said when she broke up with her ex keeps coming to mind. “I am sad, but truly how could I have imagined that I’d be able to keep something so beautiful and powerful all to myself?” As the quote from FB said, it would have been too much.
I don’t know if we became desperate and out of control and led each other to our spiritual maker, but I do believe that we helped each other grow in ways that no one else could of. Only I could give her the changes I did and only she could do the same for me. I am so thankful that God saw fit to bring her into my life for the time she was here because she did serve as my mirror. She revealed layers of myself I didn’t know existed and together we showed each other how to truly shine. I will always look fondly on our memories.
If anyone got through this never-ending post, I’m curious as to what your idea of a soulmate is?